Getting Real: If I Could Write a Letter to My Younger Self

As I look back on photos of my 12 year old self, there is much I would want to say. I’m reminded of a girl that was trying to figure things out. At 5’6″, I towered over the boys, had braces, already had curves before the rest of the girls. I learned important things like slouching in order to not feel freakishly tall, the importance in wearing undershirts under white polo uniform shirts, and was taught the tricks of rolling my skirt without getting caught. My 6th grade year was an awkward one, with ever-evolving hair, and the incredible need to belong. I would tell myself a few things. Granted, 15 years down the road brings a lot of clarity. If I were to write a letter to my younger self it would read something like this….

Dear 12-year-old Melissa,

Today you enter middle school and embark on learning a myriad of things. However, today I want to remind you of this-you are a really good kid. Somewhere along the way you’ve learned that you have to live according to an incredibly high standard. If you come below this standard something is wrong, there is something to fear, and you need to fix it.. You hold yourself to this standard and while initially it started out well-intentioned-wanting to do good things and make others happy, caring for people, their stories, and the places in which they have come from- remember that you are still a kid. This standard can crush you if you allow it to. You are a kid who is free to run, jump, laugh, and play. Enjoy fun for the sake of fun. Sometimes it’s good to relax and just do nothing for a bit. Learn to laugh at yourself and others every now and again. 

As you grow and develop your creativity, know that the spirit of your life is exploding onto the page. Don’t rush to fix things, critique your work, or force the process. Celebrate the creative process even if it doesn’t seem to be enough. Sometimes you may love a piece you’ve worked hours on and a teacher will hate it. This doesn’t make the piece and the creative process any less valuable. As you grow and develop, know that you are enough. You don’t need to prove yourself, to win the approval of your teachers, coaches, or family. You can discover who you are and be okay with it. The pressure is off.

As you go through middle school, you’ll compare yourself to the popular girls and the “in-crowd.” Don’t let this pressure of comparison change the way you view yourself. One day you will look in the mirror and see your beauty. You may not see it now, but it is there. I hope in the not too distant future, you will be able to look into the mirror and have a different vernacular. I know this morning as you sat at your white wicker vanity you murmured to yourself, “Welp, this is as good as it’s going to get today.” You also thought, “If I weren’t as tall, if I didn’t have these (pointing to a few terribly placed zits that feel like the size of Texas), or when these braces come off, etc…” Instead may your words be filled with phrases like “I am beautiful,” “I am capable,” “I am confident,” or maybe even an occasional admission of “I do look good today.” This isn’t you being cocky or arrogant, but rather coming to love and discover the fullness of who you are.

As I close this letter, I have one last thought, remember the meaning of your name. It wasn’t by accident that your parents chose this as the meaning of your name and it isn’t a joke to laugh off. It means “sweet spirit.” Don’t neglect the true nature of who you are. You are smart and have been crafted with a stunning balance of strength and sensitivity. It’s okay to show your heart to the world. Sometimes our best moments come from when we’re brave. When you show your softness and let this hidden part of you come out, it is an incredible act of courage and frees you to love others well. Don’t be scared of your softness, your compassion, and your heart. Embrace it.

Remember:

The pressure is off.

You are free.

Learn to run, jump, and play.

You are enough.

You are a really good kid.

 

Sincerely,

Your 27 year old self

 

This Getting Real post was written as a response to Donald Miller’s book Scary Close. If you read one book this year, I recommend it be this one. It will change the way you approach relationships, authenticity, and vulnerability. I know it has changed mine.

If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you write?

 

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